why do people have quiet respectful funerals when i die i want my ashes mixed with glitter and packed tightly into a coffin and then they blow up the coffin with explosives so glitter rains down on the guests while blasting “thanks for the memories” by fall out boy
(via danisnotafaggot)
some guy just called my number thinking i was a male prostitute, and he started talking to me about how much he could pay me so i pulled up gunshot noises on my computer and started screaming and he panicked and hung up
911 jUST FFUCKING CALLLLED ME IA AMC LAUGHHING SO HARD I TOLD THEM THE SITUEATION AND I’M STULL FUCMKING LAUGHING BECUASE NO W HTE’YRE TRACING THE GUY TO ARREST HIM FOR TRYING TO SOLICITEA ND PAY FOR SEX
I’VE DONE A GOOD
(via the-i-in-reunion)
[AGGRESSIVELY MEMORIZES A BAND’S SONG LYRCS AT THE LAST MINUTE RIGHT BEFORE GOING TO ONE OF THEIR CONCERTS TO AVOID LOOKING LIKE AN IDIOT]
It’s like studying, but more worthwhile
(via iwritesinsandtragedies)
I hate it when my parents have people over and I want to get to the kitchen
(via the-i-in-reunion)
i like mcdonalds french fries better than the burgers
i actually like mcdonalds french fries better than most people
(Source: follower, via tiameatsix)
and there’s nothing i know,
but that nothing is permanent
(Source: dirtyovercoats, via what-the-hale)
